Steve Jobs made the $100 Apple store credit thing for early iPhone customers, and that’s totally awesome. Way above and beyond what was needed. I don’t like Apple (I must say this again and again) and I would never buy an iPhone, but this was just really nice of him. +1 Good Steve Point

Well, last night I slept over at my mom’s house because today we were going to a picnic that my mom’s work was throwing.

I fainted after a cicada landed on me while we were at the picnic. Dear god cicadas are terrible. Oh Jesus Christ, just thinking of them makes me start to freak out.

Well, other than that, my time with mom and my nephew was okay. Ryan has a Wii, and he brought it with him. We got mom to play, and she LOVES bowling. She LOVES LOVES LOVES it. She played it for hours.

Glad I am home relaxing. I am watching Steve Jobs give his keynote.

Anyways, I took some videos while at mom’s. But I am too lazy to do anything with them so there they sit.

Best blog ever: http://www.fakesteve.blogspot.com/

Once again, I was going to make a profound post full of wisdom and fun for all, but I’ve forgotten what I was going to say.

So, here’s a picture of a hippy: (well, Britney Spears as a hippy…)

Oh, and a picture of Steve Jobs:

Here. Enjoy.

Apple Computer, Inc.
1 Infinite Loop
Cupertino, CA 95014
Dear Mr Jobs:

Subject: Important iBook

I bought an original blue iBook from your company a few years ago. I recently tried to install Ubuntu Linux on it, because Mac OS 9 just wasn’t cutting it anymore. Well, long story short, Mac OS 9 won’t reinstall, and since it is an original iBook, it doesn’t have a DVD drive for OS X. I don’t have enough money to buy a copy of OS X, nor do I have enough money to buy a newer iBook or MacBook. This iBook really meant a lot to me, as I am a computer collector, and I wish that it still worked so that I could have an original iBook with an actual operating system on it. Apple’s customer support has been nothing but annoying, only constantly suggesting that I upgrade to a newer MacBook which I cannot afford.
So, Mr. Jobs, I thought I would bring it up to the man in charge; you. I would really appreciate it if you could get my iBook fixed for me. The iBook means so much to me, since it is the original of its type. I would really just like it to work. All I need is an operating system on it. System 9 would be fine, but OS X would be great.
Thank you for your time.

Respectfully,
Staci Tipsword

whore…. whore…. whore…. whore….

Following in the same path as The Secret Diary of Bill Gates (remains in all of our hearts in dead tree form. But, if you ask nicely, a digital copy can be provided..), a couple of new parody blogs have popped up that are hilarious:

The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs (It’s baaaaaaaaack.)

I’m So Stoked!!! — Kevin Rose (One post so far, but this could turn out to be pretty funny)

Good stuff. Good good stuff.

UPDATE: Damn that Fake Steve Jobs, he canned Kevin (along with the rest of the “Dream Team”). Oh well, we have that one post.

I’m concerned about Steve lately. He doesn’t seem to have the normal bounce in his step like usual. He’s looking way too skinny, and I don’t think the tech industry is ready to see him go yet.

Don’t get me wrong, Apple sucks major monkey balls, but Steve is a genius. He basically kick-started the personal computing era. I’d hate to see him check-out so early.

I searched delicious (you put the fucking dots in, fucker) for some Steve Jobs related stuff, and I found this:

June 2006
July 2006
August 2006

Those are Google caches of this awesomely funny blog by “Steve Jobs”. It’s in the same vain of The Secret Diary of Bill Gates, which is AWESOME by the way.


There’s this funny post about Opera I thought I should share with you, to give you a taste:

Opera scares me


The browser, I mean. I was almost maybe kinda gonna download it and check it out because it’s getting so much buzz, but then I saw this scary-ass picture of their typical users or whatever on their homepage and I thought this is a group I definitely do NOT want to belong to. I mean, Candy looks like some freako Asian dominatrix. Marcus either is awaiting gender reassignment surgery, or just had it, I can’t tell. Glenn keeps weapons under his bed and wants to shoot up his high school. Monica is the chick you meet on Match.com and you’re all psyched at first because she looks kinda like Cameron Diaz and you can’t believe she agreed to meet you, but then 5 minutes into the date she starts talking about Thorazine and you realize she’s absolutely friggin eye-wobbly psycho and you end up having to change your email address and phone numbers to get rid of her. Kyle is trying to hold in a poop. Seriously, when I see awful marketing like this, I realize just how amazingly good our Apple marketing people are. I guess maybe I shouldn’t yell at them so much. Sigh.posted by Steve at 10:11 0 comments

You can’t tell me that’s not comedy gold. Also, a poem which he wrote:

Friday, June 30, 2006
sometimes i feel like a great chef

sometimes i feel like a great chef
who has devoted his entire life
to monastic study of the art of cooking
& gathered the finest ingredients
& built the most advanced kitchen
& prepared the most exquisite meal
so perfect so delicious so extraordinary
more astounding than any meal ever created
in the history of the planet;
and each day i stand in my window
and watch ninety-seven percent of the world
walk past my restaurant
into the mcdonald’s
across the street.

posted by Steve at 08:11 1 comments

This show is AWESOME. It’s just so brilliant.

It’s called Eureka, and it’s on SciFi.

And what’s so cool is that SciFi put the pilot on their site so you can watch it for free-izzle. (random rap moment)

In other news, the most hilarious digg comment I’ve read all day award went to… (in a comment on this Steve Jobs story)

by stevepinker2002 16 minutes ago
[below viewing threshold, hide comment] - 9 diggs
I would so blow him ………..Man i love apple

To that, I say… nothing. Most of you guys don’t know me well enough yet. I would like to keep my readers, thank you very much (yes, all two of you. )

EDIT: That didn’t last long. Another hilarious comment (on a different site) of the day award. Same story, just on the site.:

Ryan Allen 22 Jul 06

I’d have Steve Jobs’ babies if I could!

A conversation Cat and I had about “What if Kevin Rose, Nat Friedman, Miguel de Icaza, Linus Torvalds, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and others, played the Sims 2 and participated in discussions on ModTheSims2.com“. I took out some of our extra conversation.

(and yes we DO say “ROFL” that much. But if you have Trillian you know that it makes a fun little smiley dude when you do that. )

[07:08] Billy G pwns: ROFL cause Kevin plays simmies
[07:08] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL why not?!
[07:08] Billy G pwns: ROFL true
[07:08] Billy G pwns: dude I KNOW Nat and Miguel do/would play it. they seem like they would
[07:09] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL i would laugh my ass off if he’s one of the people that sits there and makes sims for people. and he goes to mine and is like “Oh… uh…”
[07:09] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL
[07:09] Billy G pwns: ROFL!
[07:09] MicrosoftBabe: if ANY of them came across that i’d laugh my ass off ROFL
[07:09] Billy G pwns: ROFL!!
[07:09] Billy G pwns: yeah!
[07:10] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL i can see the reply: “Dude, I am Kevin Rose. o_O”
[07:10] Billy G pwns: ROFLROFL!!!!!
[07:10] Billy G pwns: we’d be like “OMGSPLOSION!!!!!”
[07:10] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL
[07:10] MicrosoftBabe: that wouold PWN
[07:10] MicrosoftBabe: would*
[07:10] Billy G pwns: YES
[07:10] Billy G pwns: ROFL Nat seems like the type that would sit around and make sims shit for people
[07:11] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL
[07:11] MicrosoftBabe: yeah, he does. lmao
[07:11] Billy G pwns: ROFL he’d be a frequent exchanger
[07:11] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL
[07:11] Billy G pwns: and of course MTS2-er, cause hes leet lmao
[07:11] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL cause he’s leet like that
[07:11] Billy G pwns: ROFL and of COURSE Sexy Sims 2!
[07:11] Billy G pwns:
[07:12] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL of COURSE!
[07:12] Billy G pwns: “yeah, it’s good, but I think the dick needs to be… how can I put this… bigger.
[last edited by flibitty_gibbits at $date]”
[07:15] Billy G pwns: oh, and Miggy would be on SS2 with Nat as well.
“Yes, yes, I highly agree with flibitty_gibbits; the penis seems a bit small. An enlargement would be a plus. Maybe add an ejaculating feature? That would be nice for some of us.
[last edited by masturbating_mexican on $date]”
[07:15] Billy G pwns: and then Kevin would come in…
[07:16] Billy G pwns: “LOL yeah, like the dick is teeny weeny. make it _BIG_
[last edited by leet_dood on $date]”
[07:17] Billy G pwns: then Linus…
[07:18] Billy G pwns: “yes, the dick is a bit small. make it bigger… to please those of us, like myself, who can’t get a dick of good size & quality. people look down upon us. and they should, since I’m a worthless human being…
[last edited by XxXmychemical_linuxXxX on $date]”
[07:19] Billy G pwns: ROFL and then Alex comes out of nowhere
[07:20] Billy G pwns: “Why, I think the dick is quite large! At least for leet_dood here. He’s never had real dick before.
[last edited by ctrl_alt_chicken on $date]”
[07:20] Billy G pwns: then Steve comes in…
[07:20] MicrosoftBabe: oh dear lmao
[07:21] Billy G pwns: “Y DO U PPL SAY THESE THINGS ABOUT HUMAN PENISES????????????????????????? UR A DISGRACE I HAT U
[last edited by steve_jobs_420_69 on $date]”
[07:22] Billy G pwns: aaaaand here comes Billy!
[07:22] MicrosoftBabe: lmao oh dear…
[07:23] Billy G pwns: “Theoretically, the fiscal year’s income for this particular penis was relatively high compared to competing penises. However, due to it’s small size, there is room for improvement.
See this chart for example…
[last edited by business_d00d on $date]”
[07:24] Billy G pwns: this is blog material
[07:24] Billy G pwns: ROFL and then comes Ballmer
[07:24] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL oh DEAR
[07:25] Billy G pwns: “GRRRR WHY PENIS SMALL. ME WANT BIG. GRRRRRR
[last edited by GRR_IM_STRONG on $date]”
[07:25] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL oh yeah, we’ve got to blog about this
[07:29] Billy G pwns: what other nerd could come in…?
[07:29] Billy G pwns: ROFL I’ve got it
[07:29] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL okay
[07:29] Billy G pwns: enter Staci
[07:29] MicrosoftBabe: ROFL oh dear…
[07:30] Billy G pwns: “OMGSPLOSION!!!! DUUUUDE like you’re all SEXY OMGSPLOSION HI MIGUEL!!! I LURVE YOU!!! what’s up?! oh dude NAT my friend LUUUUURVES YOU OMGSPLOSION well anyways buh bye
[last edited by ihatecrayons on $date]”
[07:30] Billy G pwns: now, enter me
[07:31] Billy G pwns: “Yeah, hello. I do agree that the dick is small, blah blah blah, let me get to the point: hi guys! You’re awesome. Yep. $phone_number call me.
[last edited by Hindu_Wardrobe on $date]”
[07:31] Billy G pwns: enter Miguel again
[07:32] Billy G pwns: “why, aren’t you two the two that run those blogs? nerdify the soul or something?
(shit brb parents)
[07:33] Billy G pwns: “if so, hello again! pretty cool for you two to still maintain your blogs. I have a blog you know…”
[07:34] Billy G pwns: enter Nat again
[07:35] Billy G pwns: “oh, hello Cat and Staci! nice to see you again!
oh, Miguel, stop being so arrogant. it’s obvious they’re after *me*”

Oh, and by the way, if you play the Sims 2 and would like to try your hand at making Cat and I some Sims of Kevin Rose, Nat Friedman, Miguel de Icaza, and Linus Torvalds, please click here.